Sometimes I just long to see their faces. I have dreams about who they may have been. What they may have looked like if Joshua was now a year old and the girls were 1 month old. I see dresses out for Easter and I see their faces in them. I see him toting around learning and exploring. I wonder still what their favorite things would be. Who their favorite person would have been. How we would have juggled it all. Where we would be. I know these what if questions are not to be answered and yet I can't help myself from thinking them.
I look at their pictures when the images in my head get fuzzy. I need to know and remember exactly what they look like. I need the pictures on my wall to remind everyone they were real and were here alive on earth even if it was just a few short weeks inside me. They were here. They were real. They had meaning and weight in this world.