Today I moved Joshua's things. I almost lost it. A single box of diapers and I had tears on my eyes. A box marked "boy clothes" that I had gotten just for him. A box that says "baby memories" that the hospital gave me, holds his foot prints and pictures from the hospital. Things that were his that he never used. Things that hold no memories. He never wore those clothes, so why is it heartbreaking to look at them? There are a few blankets that he was never wraped in, there is a bottle he never drank from, diapers I've never opened. The only memories I have with this stuff is when I bought it. But I can't let it go. It's mine. Those things are his. I should have needed those diapers. I should have been putting these clothes on the swap page because he out grew them already.
I never shopped for the girls. I thought it would be easier. It's not. I want to do a shadow box for them but I don't have little socks for them to put in it the way I want. Maybe I will just buy a pack and use them in there. Is that crazy? Buying things for your child who has died?
My dad and my 2 grandmothers at my wedding.