Friday, April 18, 2014

Empty Basket.... Empty Tomb

3 empty Baskets

We shopped today. I needed to get everyone their Easter clothes. It was a long day. Some of us just were not feeling it today. For me it was just hard, as most things are.

Holidays are difficult for me. I want to make memories with my children who are gone and in turn I am missing them with the children I still have. It's frustrating to say the least. I want Easter shopping to be fun. I want to enjoy it, but I don't. I try but it's just not there. 

The thought of not having 3 more baskets is heartbreaking. They would just at empty anyway. We thought of getting new flowers but the ones we put out a month ago are Easter colors, so we left them out instead. I thought of getting a stuff bunny but it would just get wet. I thought of getting plastic eggs, filling them with rocks and setting them out there, but again I think they would either blow away or get lost somehow. It is a very strange feeling. To have children that you carried and gave birth to, but don't take care of. No diapers, no feedings, no Easter basket, no Christmas gifts. Nothing... I carried them, I birthed them and then I had to give them back to God. Its final that's it. There is nothing more for me to do and that sucks! I want to take care of them and I don't know how not to.

So I shopped for my living children and I tried not to look at the too little clothing that was next to my big kids sizes. I bought 5 baskets and left the other 3 on the shelf empty. I will sleep through the night and wake Easter morning and not be late for Church. Because my work for them is done. There is nothing left for me to do for them.

1 empty Tomb

For me Being a Christian, comes by having a lot of Faith.
Faith that Jesus is Gods son.
Faith that Jesus died on the cross to save us from our sins.
And a set of Beliefs.
I believe that God did send his son to die for me.
I believe that Jesus died and rose again
I believe that he loves us and doesn't want to see us hurt.

The tomb is empty and Jesus is in Heaven sitting next to his Father.
And in his arms are my children. They are sitting there waiting on me. Waiting on God to tell Jesus that its time to bring all of his children home.

I cant imagine what it was like for God to send his son here and not save him from dying on the cross. I know I am not that strong. I did everything to save my children and would do it again if I went back. But that empty tomb and the cross reminds me I am not alone.

I use to think that God didn't give us more than we could handle. I now know that is wrong. Of course God gives us more than we can handle, and he also gave us Jesus to turn to, to give all of our fears and needs to. He gave us Jesus so that when we have more on us than we can handle we can trust that even though its too big for us, its never too big for Jesus.

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