I'm taking a turn in my life. God has been pulling me in a few different directions recently. Some things I know are for the future and not for now. I am not far enough along in my walk with grief to do some of the things I am meant to do. But I'm getting there.
This blog has helped me vent out my feelings over the deaths of my children, and has been very healing. In my walk there has been very few times where I have written about much except the really hard days, but the time has come to write about the ways I am growing. How my grief is helping me grow in my Faith and how I am becoming more like Jesus and my walk with him.
Am I still grieving? Yes and I always will be. There will never be a day that goes by, I don't think about my children that are not with me. There will however come a day where I will see them again. I try to focus on that day and not the days behind me. That doesn't mean I am leaving them behind though. They are always here with me, everyday with everything I do they are with me.
So what is new?
I held another baby. My 2nd since having the girls. A little girl at church. She is 3 months old and the sweetest thing. She fell asleep on my shoulder and I thought to myself "I could do this all day". I was a little sad. My girls were due about the same time she was, and it took me this long to hold her, but I did and I am glad I did. It's healing, but small doses is what I need.
I am planning a baby shower for my sister. She has been trying for her 1st baby for about 6 years and she is now 10weeks pregnant. I am so excited for her. I am having so much fun planning her big day.
I am becoming the Director of the Children's Department at church. I am Scared and ecstatic all together. Our children's department needs a complete overhaul redo. We have big plans for our new Ministry. There is so much to be done, there are so many ideas. I will be posting more about this later. For now though I am going to leave you with this.
If you are Expecting a baby. If you are holding your baby in your arms. Try to realize that they are truly a gift. Try to remember that in the span of your life 9 months is a very short time to give up your body to make another life. There will never be another day that was this one. You only have today. Stop complaining that you are tired, you wont be getting more sleep when the baby gets here you will be getting less. Stop complaining that the baby is kicking your bladder, soon you will be up every 2 hours not to pee but to change a diaper. Be grateful for those kicks, be grateful for those contractions that are leading to your baby. Don't take it for granted, you never know, It could all be gone in the blink of an eye.