With the passing of Joshua's 2nd birthday I was hit with feelings that I didn't know how to describe or handle. I know death is a finale experience. But Everything had been so in the now and then it seemed Joshua's death was in my past. I didn't like it. I still don't. I don't know when it happened but I realized it when he turned 2. All of my baby loss is now in the past. It's not my future. It's not in the now. It's what was. And that scared me. So I did what I do and hid. Yup I hid. I stopped going to the cemetery. I stopped writing and I started telling people I have 5 kids again instead of saying "5 living".
Over the past month I started to deal with those feelings and others and I am now at a place where I can write again.
So what's up over here.
I am still working at the church as the Children's Director. We've been working really hard to put together a great team and develop a plan for the year.
My children are happy and healthy as is Jason.
Our insurance company got a good yelling at. When Joshua was born. The lady that was over that department said she added him in case the hospital billed anything under his name. They didn't. We've tried to take him off, but the kept asking for his death certificate. We don't have one. So about a year ago I gave up. In November I was sent a letter stating that they needed birth certificates and ssnumbers for all of us. If I didn't send them we'd be dropped and I would owe a fine when we filled taxes. I thought "well he will come off now". When I didn't send his in they extended the deadline.... Twice. So I called and I was passed from one person to the next and apologized to probably 50 times, before they finally said they had it taken care of. Ok finally! Well he was still there but I was not calling back. Jason then got called into HR this week. They demanded a Ss# for him. Jason politely told her that Joshua didn't have one and to check his file. She got rude. Lied and said it was against the law to not have a child a ss#. Said she would call CPS since we had never used the insurance for him and never bothered taking him to the dr. Jason was irate at that point and honestly I think he was in shock because that lady is still alive. Jason stood up got his file and pulled out the letter from my doctor stating that Joshua was born at under 20 weeks, and never inflated his lungs and therefore under Alabama law was not issued a birth certificate, death certificate or a SS#. Jason said he has never seen someone apologize as much as she did. He had filed a complaint with the HR director for her behavior. I'm glad I wasn't there. We'd be looking for work.
Last week I had a complete hysterectomy. I've been having a lot of issues and since I can't have any more kids and my blood count was finally good enough for surgery we went for it. I was so sick after surgery that I had to stay longer than expected in the hospital. However I've been doing very well in my recovery. I've had less pain than when I had my tubal. I do have to be careful because I don't want to hurt myself by over doing it. I have an online support group and the women who over do it have so many long term issues and some need another surgery to repair what they messed up. No thank you. I will just take it easy.
Well that's it. Nothing to impressive. I promise to update more often.
Till next time.
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