Healing

Maybe it's time. Maybe this year is going to be the year I can be happy and excited about Christmas again.  I hope it is. I am excited now. Exited in a way I remember from years ago, before.... The me from before loved Christmas. She decorated every thing. She sang while she cooked. She smiled and laughed. The past 2 years have been difficult. There were times I wanted to give up and there were nights I begged Jason to skip Christmas. I didn't want to celebrate anything. I felt alone and abandoned. I didn't want to decorate. I didn't want to sing. I actually cried while cooking and spent a lot of time at the cematery. This year feels different. This year feels full and brighter. This year I may put in effort that I haven't been able to find in 2 years. 

I hope I can hold on to these feelings. Joshua will be 2 soon. 2 years. Seems unreal that it's been that long!