The things we choose

When women realize they are pregnant they start planning. Things they want to do while pregnant. Who they will tell and when. What to buy And when. What to name the baby. Everything at one point runs through the heads of the waiting parents. What never runs through our heads is what kind of headstone our child will have. I can honestly say I had never ever thought of that before. I had also never thought about burying my child.

When Joshua died we had no plots. When we had to bury him we got 8. One for him. One for all our other children and one for Jason and myself. I didn't pick the spot. I couldn't. I made sure the casket was white and that there were roses. But that's all. Two days ago I had to go pick a headstone. And I thought to myself I should be picking out summer clothes or diapers or something. Not a headstone. Not a grave marker. But that's my reality. That's what I live everyday. I held it together for the most part. See as what I was doing I'd say I did exceptionally well. Even though there were a few tears. I know I had my friends praying for me and that helped a lot. I will be getting a proof by Monday and the stone will be placed in about 8 weeks.

I can't believe how much time has gone by already. Heaven has held my child longer than I did.