When Joshua was born and the hospital told me that there was a place that buried babies for free I was devastated when I found out that we couldn't go to the actual service, that there wasn't one it's held in November every year for all the babies at one time. I didn't think we had another choice, but I did.
My wonderful nurse told me that some places do infants at a massively reduced rate. So my family took charge and found the one that my mom used for her mother has a great program for infants.
I refused to go to the funeral home. I cried when I knew Heather was there planning my childs funeral. But I didn't have it in me to go. She picked out my childs eternal resting place. She ordered the flowers. She talked with the pastor. 6 months later when we ordered the marker I cried the whole time we were there. My other sister didn't live close by, but still managed to arrange food for us after the service.
My plan was today that I would return what my sister did for me and I would plan her daughters funeral. My sister is stronger than I am. She went. She sat and planned her baby's funeral. She picked the marker and ordered the flowers. After that she spoke with our pastor.
I held it together while we were there but I have no idea how she did it. I am amazed at how strong she is.
But she is not alone. I will be there for her when she needs me to be and I will step back when she needs me to.