Sunday, July 27, 2014

Worth it

I wanted... I want

We live in a world of want. Want for more and bigger and better. We live in a world full of wan for the perfect for the normal. Everyone around me seems to have a list, a list of wants.

Not all wants are bad. I have a daughter who wants to play college softball. I have a son who wants to be a preacher. I have a sister who wants to be a teacher. Theses are wonderful wants. 

Then there is the person who wants everyone to see them, you know the one who wants all the attention. There is the one that wants the newest phone with max speed. And then The one who wants you to believe life for them is just perfect. 

My wants have changed so much. I use to want happy healthy children. I mean who doesn't right? Then God blessed me with children that needed special medical care and the Healthy part faded some what. Yeah I still wanted healthy children but my idea of what healthy meant changed. Happy, I strive for happiness. 

Healthy use to actually mean normal.  100% normal. I let go of that when Aden was born and needed early intervention for his first 18 months. You would never know it now, but we actually had thought he may be autistic. He didn't react to other people the way most babies do. He would actually have rather sit in his swing all day and night than be held. Turns out he was just delayed and we needed to teach him about touch. It didn't come natural to him the way it should have.  

Then when Landon was born so early that we had a scare of possible Brain bleeds leading to blindness. I accepted it before the results were in. He of course sees great, but had he been blind I would have wanted him just as much. 

Haleigh came after that with major medical issues, feeding and digestion were rough for 2 years. Add in surgeries and you have far from a "normal" child. 

When I laid in the hospital praying that Joshua would live. I had been offered a termination. One of the things that was explained to us was that because if the extreme low fluid there was a possibility of mental handicaps. I looked at Jason and we knew. We knew that this child we were carrying. This child God had blessed us with, would be worth it. We knew that if God allowed us to keep him, that we would spend our lives making sure he was treated fairly and as normal as possible. Just like we had for our other Children before him. We would pave a path for him life that would allow him all the experience life has to offer. 

All life is worth it. No matter how long that life may be here on earth, I know that my children live forever with Jesus and that makes their short lives worth every second I spent fighting for them. 

What a blessing it is that i have so much waiting on me in heaven. 

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