Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Little Questions

My littlest baby is 4 years old. She is such a sweetheart. Of course she can be sassy at times too. But she has a huge heart. I hate to see any of my children hurt pain is however apart of life and apart of this messed up world that we live in.

Physical pain I can deal with I can help and heal physical pain, but emotional pain is harder. You can give hugs and kisses and you can hear them when they need to talk. Hold them when they need to cry. But you can't heal their emotional pain. It's not easier because they are younger. Haleigh has been greatly effected by Joshua's death so much so that I am worried she will need therapy when she's older. My boys have started to ask less questions an Madalyn and I have had deep conversations so she knows everything and I think all her questions have been answers. Except the why and we all have that question.

Haleigh asked me today why her brother died. I told her I didn't know that we would have to ask Jesus when we get to heaven. Of course she then wanted to go to heaven to ask. And didn't understand why we couldn't do that. She doesn't understand why if Joshua is in heaven why he can't come home and why we can't visit him. Her questions are so small yet they have so much meaning. She's trying to understand and I'm trying to help her. I never want her to feel like she can't ask about him or talk about him. We've told all if our children to talk about their brother whenever the need to and to please use his name.

Haleigh's most resent new question is also so small. She wants a baby and keeps asking if we will have another baby. I just tell her that its up to God if he wants to give us another baby or not. Of course she just says he does, because she does. She was ready to be a great big sister. She wanted to help me do everything and was even excited to change diapers with me. And now that's gone and she feels the empty spot left by that and I hope one day we will all feel whole again.

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