This weekend has been extra hard for me. I'm not too sure why though. Everyday is hard. Friday I went to buy things for Easter. While doing so I bought Joshua an Easter Lily, a yellow egg and bow for it. I took it to him and thought "this is not what I should have gotten my child for Easter" I looked around and thought of some things. A stuffed bunny? It would just get Rained on and dirty. No need for candy. No need for a basket. I was heart broken that forever I will take my baby flowers for every holiday, for ever birthday there will only be flowers. I want to give him so much more than that.
Today we went to an Easter egg hunt that our church was putting on. The kids had a great time. I smiled and some were not even forced but I still thought of how I would never see Joshua hunt eggs. Or even feel grass. There is so much I wanna do with him. And I know I will never get the chance. I really miss my baby. I'm not sure how parents who don't have other kids at home get through the death of their child, because they are the only thing holding me together. They are why I don't give up. My reason for waking up in the mornings.