A normal Sunday morning has my family sitting in church, that's not unlike a lot of other families. Most people that we know go to church. We have not been going normally since Joshua was born. We went some in January and then we all had the flu. We went some in February and then Haleigh got sick. And today is the first Sunday in March so we are trying again. Jason goes to working weekdays April 1st. I'm so excited to have him home on weekends again and for him to be able to go to church with us.
So like a lot of other people we got up and dressed and headed to church.
What we do after church is not like everyone else.
After church when everyone else is crowded into restaurants for lunch, we head to the cemetery to visit Joshua.
I go to check on him. To check and clean his angle and to move the leaves. My other kids help me and sometimes I add flowers today I took permanent flowers made from metal. And a butterfly that clips to it. I went to simply get flowers or something bright for Easter/ spring and these were so cute and blue.
I am also going to either make or buy a cross for him for Easter. Oh how I wish I was making him an Easter basket instead.
Since I'd be 31 weeks now. I would be big and so ready for him to be born. I would be walking in an uncomfortable waddle by now and probably on some kind of bed rest. But I'm not. Instead I'm picking out crosses for his little grave.
The next 9 weeks are going to be so hard. I have had babies born and live at this stage so I know what having him now would have meant. How he would have looked. How much he would weigh. How very perfect he still would have been.
9 weeks until my due date. It seemed so far away when I had him and now it's so close.