Not Fair

Life had really sucked today. I'm sick I have pneumonia. My oldest son Collin is having problems with his Asthma. My youngest Daughter needs medical care 5 hours away. That I was trying to get ready for a benefit yard sale for her that's tomorrow, and keep up with all my normal day to day stuff. Did I mention I have pneumonia? Then I realize tonight that its March. Almost spring.

My first pregnancy was mostly easy I was really sick but it was a textbook pregnancy, I've never had another textbook pregnancy. I don't know what happened between that one and all the others but I have never made it to my due date again.

Joshua was due in May. The 6th actually and that means I would be 32 weeks pregnant now. I can't believe it's been 13 weeks since he's been gone. I can't believe I would already be that far. And possibly have a thriving preemie in the NICU. He'd be 5 pounds by now. He would have looked different with a little fat under his skin. He would have been so perfect.

Life is not fair. Joshua dying was not fair. It's not fair to me. To my other kids. To my family.

Life had really sucked today!!