Thanksgiving.

I failed at my 30 days of thankfulness. It's not that I don't have 30 things I'm thankful for. I do, but the closer thanksgiving gets the more I think about last year. Happy. Disney. Pregnant. Joshua. Happy. And it makes me sad. He should be here. I should still be pregnant with the girls or making a trip to the nicu at least to see them. Instead I will head to the grave yard and visit all three of them. I have now realized this is forever, and my heart aches. I have to spend the next forever thanksgivings missing my babies and thinking about how life would be different. About how old they should be. About all I wanted to share with them. A life time of holidays not celebrated with them. It sucks so bad. I wish I could skip it. All of it. I hate feeling this way. Is it 2014 yet. 2014 has be be a better year. 2013 was horrible.