Sunday, December 1, 2013

Thanksgiving Day

The day started out nice. I woke up after sleeping in a bit. I took my time getting the turkey on since we had decided on a later eating time the was no rush to get done. Jason and Madalyn came home from their morning hunt. I took a shower then, Madalyn, Haleigh and I headed to visit the babies at the cemetery. I never thought my Thanksgiving day would include a cemetery visit, but it did. My Grandmother is out there as well. Madalyn walked Haleigh over there after they visited the babies a little. Giving me my much needed alone time with them. I told them how thankful I am to have had them, even if it was such a short sweet time. I of course would change the fact that they died if I could. But if I had to chose the time I had with them or never having known them at all I would chose the time I had with them. Even though it hurts they are my babies and I do not regret them even a little. I do however miss them horribly, I love them whole heartedly, I long to be with them just a minute more.

We stayed about 45 minutes. Left feeling like I had at least felt a little closer to them while I was there. I hated leaving like always. I tried to put on a happy face the rest of the day. I'm sure it didn't work. There was not a minute that I didn't feel someone was missing. I fell asleep on the couch and felt the ache in my arms where my baby should be napping. I felt a pain in my stomach when my 34 weeks pregnant belly should be. 

Friday I shopped and tried not to look at the baby things. The toys for the "baby first Christmas" the newborn outfits to dress like Santa. 

The holiday season will be the same. But I have faith that one day maybe it won't hurt so much. 

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