Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Just Alive

Looking back on my pregnancies I realize how blind I was to the complications of pregnancy and child birth. I knew the things that could happen to other people, but not me.

I remember when I was pregnant with Haleigh I declared I would give birth in my back yard before I had another c section. That was "the worst thing that could happen" was that I would not get my vbac. And I worried about it until I pushed her out.  I knew the risk. Still do. I'm glad I went for it, but really? That was the worst thing I could think of that would happen. That I would have to have another section. Her birth got me "over" my experience with my section. It was really bad. So when I was pregnant with Joshua and DrC asked if I wanted another vbac I said I would like to try to avoid another section if possible. He agreed I would probably have no problem with that. When I was in labor with Joshua DrC and I had to sign a vbac form and hospital policy stated I had to be offered a section and be told the risk of a vbac. I knew the risk. Just 4 years earlier I was an expert. The major risk is to the baby. My baby was going to die anyway no section needed. I had completely changed my mind when I was pregnant with the twins. I decided I wanted a section. When DrC said that he dosent like to vbac twins I said "no problem I want a section anyway" he was surprised. But understood better when I said I didn't actually care how they came out my goal was breathing baby. I failed at that of course. When I delivered them there was no time for a vbac form. But there was one in my chart. Anyone over 14 weeks with a section scar has to be offered a repeat section. I wouldn't have taken it again there was no risk to my babies. They were not going to be born alive anyway. 

It's amazing how much I changed in my personal view of how my children were suppose to be born. I went from wanting them born naturally to wanting them born just alive. 

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