Christmas 2013

Today was both happy and sad all together. I was excited to see the faces of my children when they opened their gifts this morning. When we got up Haleigh declared today the best Christmas ever. I'm sure it was better than last year. I however still don't remember Christmas Day 2012.

We cooked a big breakfast then played with the new toys. Built a basket ball goal with the new set. Adjusted the set of a bike. Adjusted the bars of a scooter. Tried on new clothes and shoes. Took a bunch of pictures. We cooked out part of lunch/dinner. Took showers, put on new clothes and headed to my sisters house. We took all the stuff there and then headed to the cemetery. 

I have a live hate relationship with the cemetery. I love going and feel close to my babies while I am there. I know they aren't really there but I still feel closer to them there. Maybe it's because I am focused on just them. I then hate it there. I can't see them. I can't feel them. I can't have them. I miss them so much and I know I can't have them. I know that while this is Joshua's 2nd Christmas in heaven it's the girls first and there will be many many more to come that we celebrate without them and I don't want to. I want them here I don't want to have to go to the cemetery to tell them merry Christmas. It sucks more than anything else I can ever imagine. 

The picture below was taken last night. The round glow to the right on my oldest sons head was only on this picture and no others. I believe it's my babies. All three of them. 

Merry Christmas from earth to Heaven.