Tuesday, October 15, 2013

I remember last year

October 15th 2012

I remember seeing the post for wave of light. I remember lighting a candle for my early pregnancy losses and all the babies gone too soon. I remember I picked a random candle I already had. It burned for an hour and I blew it out.  I remember rubbing my pregnant belly and thanking God for the blessing I was growing. I remember praying for all the women who experienced stillbirths and SIDS. Thinking I would never be able to survive that and thanking God that he knew that would be too much for me. 

Two short months later I was proven wrong. 

This year I made sure, I bought a pack of candles, Red ones. This year I bought a heart shaped candle holder to burn them in. This year I will light the candle at 7pm my time and let it burn until it stops. I don't think I have it in me to blow it out. This year I remember not only my early losses along with the other babies, but I light the candle for babies with names. Babies with faces that I held in my arms for just a little while and will hold in my heart forever. Today I will light a candle with new meaning. To honor my babies that sleep in heave. 
Joshua, Faith and Hope.  

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