Monday, December 24, 2012
We went to church tonight as a family to the Christmas Eve service at a friends church. It was nice to be with God. But even there surrounded by people I felt really alone and could not wait to leave. I wanted to just do something nice together as a family, and reading Gods words makes me feel closer to Christ as closer to Joshua. Anything that makes me feel closer to Joshua I throw myself into but tonight I didn't have that feeling. Tonight I felt lost. I just don't want to have Christmas this year I just want it to be over. I want to go to sleep and wake up from this nightmare. Christmas use to be my favorite holiday, it use to make me feel good inside and now I only feel pain and sadness.