Sad

That one word sad, sums up so much of how I'm feeling everyday. Just SAD.

We finished Christmas shopping tonight and I feel sad that I will never get to shop for Joshua. I got him an orderment but I want to buy him a mobile, a teddy bear, a a rattle. What would he have liked. Would he have liked Mickey Mouse or toy story or maybe power rangers instead. Would he have been and outside type kid or more into video games? Those are questions I will never get answers too and it hurts. I hurt not knowing. I want to know who my baby was. I want to know his smell, the way he would have looked after a bath with his hair all a mess. I want to know his favorite color and the way he like his Cereal in the mornings.

I sure do love and miss someone who I know very little about.
But there are things I do know

I know Joshua would have been tall, long legs like his daddy and long fingers like his mom. I know he liked to be up and kick at night. I know he didn't like tomatoes or popcorn. I know he loved water, so maybe he would have loved to fish as well. I know that he would have had blond hair almost white like Haleigh's, he had eyebrows that were very blond. I know that he had a dimple in his chin like Landon has and his lips were also shaped like Landon's. I know he would have been amazing and I know he would have been so loved here in our family. We all love and miss him so so much.