Friday, December 28, 2012

Regrets and Thankfulness

I have been reading about what some moms regret and what they are thankful for when the have no choice to deliver as early as I did and it made me think about what I am thankful for and what I regret. I honestly wouldn't change anything about my experience. I mean yes I would change that my water ever broke, but after that the only thing I wish was that I had a picture if him laying in my chest right after delivery. I asked Jason to take a picture of his perfect feet but I didn't think about getting one of him lying on my chest.

Things I am glad I did and that I am thankful for are very many.
I am glad we took so many pictures of Joshua. The nurses took some and everyone was taking pictures of him. That's something else I am glad I did. I let everyone in our families come meet Joshua and hold him. I wanted everyone to know him and by holding him I think they did somewhat. My children came in and each sat on my bed with me and held Joshua for as long as they wanted. They talked to him and he became real to them not just a baby that died but he became their brother that they met that they held. And that was special. I have a picture with me and each of my kids holding Joshua. I didn't think if getting one of just the 6 kids but I can print off all these and make a special picture.

I am glad I asked a lot of questions and was given the grieving package before I delivered so that we could decide on the funeral before delivery.
I am glad that my dr was so willing too answer all my questions 2-3 times and never got angry.
I am glad that I showered before the bleeding got too bad. I am also glad I showered before the NILMDTS lady came to take more pictures.
I am glad I said yes when the NILMDTS Lady called and asked if she could come out still because it was already 830 pm. I haven't got the pictures yet but I am excited to get them.
I am glad Jason was able to stay with me the whole time except for a few hours to go home and reassure the kids that I was ok. He was my Rock and I would have been more of a mess without him.
I'm glad I decided to birth Joshua and not have surgery to remove him from me. If I had chosen surgery I would have had a longer recovery and would have not got to spend as much time with him.
I'm glad we spent until 1155 pm with him I am glad I said no when they asked if I wanted to see him the next morning. I had already said my goodbye and would not have been able to do it again.
I'm glad I got alone time with Joshua to tell him how much I loved him, how much I wanted him, and how sorry I was that I couldn't carry him long enough to give him a chance at life, and to cover him with kisses.
I'm glad I looked at his whole body. That I unwrapped him and studied him.
I'm glad I held him right after his birth

I'm thankful I had an amazing staff taking care of me. My nurses were so awesome my doctors was amazing, the grief counselor was great. I couldn't have asked or received better care.
I'm thankful that I was given a box of everything that Joshua touched including blankets. I wish there was a hat but he was just too small.
I'm thankful I have a few sets if footprints and that they are as perfect as I remember his feet being.
I am thankful to my family for holding me up.
I am thankful for my friends for helping me everyday.
I have a lot to be thankful a for.

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