Wednesday, December 19, 2012


When I delivered Joshua my doctor asked if I wanted any testing done. Jason and I decided we did. So my doctor collected 3 samples. One being cord blood, then a actual piece of cord, and a section of the placenta. He then drew 2 tubes of blood from me and sent them to be tested for all kinds of things. So today my doctor calls and says everything was normal. EVERYTHING!! there was no infection, no abnormal cells/blood. Our blood had not mixed. There were no genetic disorders. Joshua was perfect and healthy. So we have no medical reason for my waters braking the fact that "it just did" was harder to hear than I thought it would be. I really wanted there to be a reason of some kind. So I could know why, but the answers will never come. Not until I am with Joshua again and can ask him what happened.

I can only hope he felt my love from the inside for the 19 weeks and 4 days I was able to carry him. And for the 3 mins I held him in my arms before he went with the angles to be with Jesus.

1 comment:

  1. I know I keep saying this, but even though the circumstances - and ages - were different...I will also never know WHY? I want to know if Robert knew what hit him (sorry, no pun intended). I hope he didn't suffer. I hope he had happy memories flooding his mind rather than looking at the bottomside of that truck as the last thing he saw. But as you said, we will never have answers...and I only want to know WHY also. We are bonded in a new way as "sisters" in loss of our sons, with many of the same questions and feelings. <3
    I wish there were words...but "there are no words".