Thursday, September 12, 2013

Not ready

As someone who blogs her feelings, and most of her thoughts you would think there is nothing that I hold back. And that is simply not true. There is a whole list of things in a notebook that I am simply not ready to let the world in on. Some of it may never be written here. Sometimes I think...."oh what's the big it". Then I think "well because that's too much". It's not too much to write or to think about or to read. It is however to much for my heart to see in print. Too much for me to release. Things I hold on to. Details that are just mine, that I don't want to share with anyone. Just like the clear pictures of my angels that I will not share. Am I ashamed of the way they looked? No never. Am I scared at the way people may react at seeing pictures of babies born so early? No never. That is a simple fact that their pictures are ones of the few things that I have that's just for me and my family I share.

Most people have a life time of memories with their children so sharing a few memories and a few pictures is no big deal. But imagine if you can for just a moment that you only had a very brief time with them. You have a limited amount of pictures and a limited amount of memories and details. All of them happened in less than 48 hours. You would probably hold them close and not let the world in on you most prized memories and pictures. You guard them with your heart. And what you do let out is just the tip of what you experienced. The love you pour out on pages is just the start of the love you feel, for these littlest of angels. The anger you express is just the start of how you feel. 

One day I maybe ready to express some of the things I'm not ready to write about yet. I may never be ready for other parts if it. 

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