Monday, September 30, 2013


Sometimes I feel a little lost. Like I should be doing something, Like I should be planning something researching something and I have no idea what that something is. Its the same feeling you get when you know you are forgetting something, but you can't seem to think of what that thing is, until you leave the house. I have that feeling all of the time. I know I am suppose to be doing something. What is it?


I am suppose to be planning for twins, I am by nature the most planned person you will ever meet. I can not just let things come as they may I must plan things and make list and then check it and change what needs to be changed and plan some more. Its not a bad thing, not really. I am always prepared, and I always know what to expect for the most part. I am just a planner. I hate not knowing when something is coming. Pregnancy was always hard because you never know exactly when baby is coming and I would plan "if it happened this or that day".

I now have nothing to plan

I was planning for Joshua. That was so interrupted i had nothing to replace it with, so I fell into a hole. and stayed there a while. Then Haleigh needed emergency surgery and that was not planned, I panic when I dont have time to plan, but I could then plan the next trips and surgery.

I was planning for my girls, I was researching what sleeping arrangements were best for twins, what carseat were best for smaller preterm babies, I was planning a celebration of life for them, I was lining up help in the early days, I had planned a section for 36 weeks, December 20th. I would have twins by Christmas...... Now there is nothing to plan, I have no where to put that energy. I feel like I'm slipping, back into the hole of nothing. Back to being Lost

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