Happy Thoughts

Everyone's seen Peter Pan. Everyone knows you need a happy thought to fly, well that along with faith, trust and piksy dust. Disney is rerelease Peter Pan this week, it's always been a favorite of mine. I think Haleigh's only seen it once. I'm going to buy it on blue ray so she can watch it on the way to her follow up appointment Thursday. She's seen the commercial and remembers the ride at Disney back in November.

It's hard for me to think about our Disney trip sometimes. I was pregnant and a little uncomfortable. I didn't ride anything because I wasn't suppose to, but I did do a ton of walking. I wasn't on restricted anything though so I have to believe the walking was ok. I made a point to sit and rest when needed. I've been to Disney 3 other times pregnant so I know the dos and don't of pregnant vacation. Haleigh loves to look at our pictures. We bought a book. It's our gift to each other for Christmas. It's really nice to have our memories in there. I'm pregnant and you can see it in every picture. I was so happy. Full of life and smiles in every picture. All of us were. We had such a great trip.

Tonight I dropped Aden off at a church sleepover. Haleigh off at my sisters house and Landon was riding with me. Just the two of us. He was talking about our Disney trip and how much fun we had. He asked if we could go back soon. I told him that we would be going on a different vacation but not to Disney. He just said "oh" I then told him we would have fun where ever we went. He, with his little voice, said something very big: "I like it at Disney mom, everyone was smiling" it hit me, Disney is our last good family memory before Joshua died. That was our Thanksgiving. We came home and the kids started back school. 2 weeks later Joshua died. That vacation was the last thing that my kids remember being happy at and they know it. They remember me and Jason being happy then too and they want that again. I want it again too. Disney our vacation is their happy thought.

I hope I can make some good memories with them this summer. I want to take them camping. They love camping. I want them to see me really happy again. The way I was. I want them to remember how I was and that I was strong enough to still be their mother after the loss of their brother. I want them to know that my love for them has not and will never changed. That they will always be my babies. I want them to be proud that I'm their mom. I don't want them to be scared to have children of their own one day. I hope they learn that all life is a gift and not to take it for granted. But to also be able to relax and enjoy it.