I've gotten a few messages over the past couple of days saying that people are thinking of me. Some were on Facebook and some a simple phone call or text message. I've got to say the fact that I have people who are thinking about me made me feel really good.
I know that may sound self centered, but most days, most of the time even when there are other people around I feel alone and sometimes even invisible. I have been in a crowd of people and I might as well been in a dark hole because I felt like I was completely alone. Like everyone was looking past me and not at me. Talking at me not too me. To be honest sometimes when people speak I don't even hear them, it's all a mumble.
I sometimes think that since people have moved on with their lives, gone back to work, church, and school, since my kids are back into their active lives that people are forgetting him. Forgetting that Joshua was here at all and that scares me. I don't want to forget. I think that's why I think of him so much. Just incase I'm the only one still thinking of him.
When I saw the messages. A simple "thinking of you" made me cry. And not sad depressing tears. These tears were tears of relief, tears that said "someone else thinks about Joshua. About me still". I have been receiving less messages and I know that's completely normal, but it made me feel so good to know my friends and family still pray for me and are still thinking of me.
I hope everyone continues to pray for my family. We still need them. I'm doing about as well as one can expect after loosing a child. Jason is doing ok as well. My children still ask a lot of questions and Haleigh tells everyone of her brother with Jesus. They also are still hurting and still cry at times. I had my first day with no tears last week and another one this week. God is healing my heart and soul.