Decisions.....

Jason and I have completely decided we will not be having any more biological children. The way that sounds you may be thinking.... Are you going to adopt? The answer to that question is no. So why do I say we will not have any more biological children? Why cant I simply say we wont have more children? Because I do not know what God has in store for us. If I was presented with a child that would not have anyone, but me, I would take that child and they would be mine, just as much as the 5 children who live with me are mine. Jason and I have always been open to life, and that has not changed. What has changed is our openness to death. We are no longer open to death. I understand death is in the cycle of life, however death before life is not in that cycle. Jason, my living children, and I have had enough death before life, we are done with that. I am not willing to knowingly put us through that again. We have made this decision with our heads, not our hearts. Our hearts are broken and we want to fix them, but being pregnant again and having that child die is not the answer to a broken heart. If the problem wasn't my body, and it was safe for me and the child, we would consider trying again. But the facts are that I have physically hit my limit. I needed more care than I should have after the Girls were born. My cervix cant hold a baby that weigh's more than 8-10 ounces, my cervix is really thin. They are sure it would hold a stitch. Of course with God all things are possible, but I believe this is it for us. I thank God, I got to feel Joshua move and carry him 19 weeks, before my body gave out on him. I am thankful that I was able to feel the girls flutter around, and that I was given the chance to have a 3D scan of them, and carry them 17 weeks before my body gave up and I delivered them. I cant force another child into the world just to pass a way before they are ready to breath. I just don't have that in me. We have set the date, I will be having a tubal on September 23rd. Less than a month from now. This is the choice that is right for our family. 8 is a great number of children to have 4 beautiful girls, and 4 wonderful boys. I love them all with all of my heart and one day we will all be together, we will all have eternity to be a family of 10, but for now we will be a family of 7 here on earth.