Monday, August 19, 2013

Moved from "after the storm" blog



Ugh.... I'm tired of grieving. I've been in one stage or another for 8 months and I'm angry again. I don't want to deal with any more grief,  going backwards. I was moving forward and now I'm back to the beginning. There is nothing I can do about any of this. I hate it. 

I'm pissed off. I'm mad that there is not more studies and research for pPROM and pregnancies after pPROM loss. I'm pissed that the drs took a wait and see with me. I'm mad that because I was pregnant with twins there was less they would do for me. I'm disappointed that I was punished for having two babies instead of one. I'm mad at my body and I hate my stupid cervix. I'm mad that I have 3 babies that I couldn't hold onto long enough to have them be born and live. I had 1 job and I failed!  

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1 comment:

  1. I know you are just letting off steam, but I wanted to say..YOU did NOT fail. We as moms take all the brunt of it upon ourselves when something happens to our child, feeling like there must've been something we could have or should have done differently. You love your children -- all of them -- you take care of yourself well. You are not a failure...I think it's just that us moms have to find someone to 'blame'...and usually we place that blame on ourselves.
    As I've said before, be gentle with yourself...<3 So many people said that to me after Robert died. I scoffed at them and (secretly) stuck my tongue out at them because of how angry I was too...but now, 27 months later I am learning that that is the best you can gentle with yourself <3