This is my Journey of finding my way through grief. Of trying to find myself after losing 3 children in 8 months. Of finding a new normal life.
Monday, August 19, 2013
Moved from "after the storm" blog.
SATURDAY, AUGUST 10, 2013
Where are my sunny skies?
I'm not sure why it's still storming. The rainbows had clearly been displayed. Then last Monday night the thunder started again. My water started leaking. It was not the huge gush that is was with Joshua, and for a moment I thought I could have peed on myself. I called the on call doctor and he said that since I was only 16.3 weeks the ER would not send me upstairs. So the best thing to do unless I started bleeding or hurting was to wait until the morning and call Dr.C. So I tried to sleep and at 845 Tuesday morning I called the office. I was seen about 11am after falling asleep and them getting my number wrong trying to call back.
On ultrasound both babies had heartbeats and fluid. On exam my cervix was slightly open and he could see the bag of water. I also tested positive for leaking amnio fluid. I was sent to L&D.
I got to my room by 12:30. I was given an IV and my mom went to get Jason from work.
Dr.C came in and said he had talked with my MFM and they didn't have anything to offer me except and induction and delivery. Or to wait. I have chosen to wait. I spent until Friday in L&D I IV fluids and antibiotics. I was able to eat on Wednesday, because I was stable and was not in labor. On Friday my OB said I was stable enough to go home. I was scared at first but the reality is that.
1. I am not and was not in labor.
2. I am not and was not bleeding.
3. I am not and was not in any pain.
4. My babies are not yet viable, so being in the hospital has no benefits for them.
After talking with Jason we decided that we could have me come home. I will visit the dr 2-3x a week for scans and blood work. If I can make it to 21-22 weeks I will be put into the children's hospital until delivery.
Being on bed rest is really hard. I can only get up to pee and every 3 days take a 5min shower. My children are trying to understand. I am trying to understand. I want my girls I'm trying so hard to give them the chance at life that they deserve. I love them so much already.
On Monday I will try to have the ultrasound tech confirm they are girls. So that they can have full names. For now we call them Hope and Faith. They will either be their 1st or middle names I'm not sure yet. But what I am sure of is that I'm not giving up on my babies. I will do this. I will hang on until there is no other choice.