Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Follow-up Appointment

I guess my appointment went well, it didn't go bad, I just had problems speaking. It was the same when I went with Joshua. My OBGYN is really caring. He asked how i was feeling and before i could answer he followed with "Physically". My answer "eh....." then "tired" I'm tired all the time. I'm just tired. He asked if i was sleeping but not able to wake up or if I'm just not sleeping. I am just not sleeping. I'm tired, I go to bed, i want to sleep really bad, but i cant. I just lay there. I am not sure when I actually fall asleep. Somewhere between 2am and 4am, is my guess. I'm up at 6 with the kids to get them ready for school. I am then unable to fall back to sleep until the next night/morning. So he gave me some pills to help me sleep, but he told me "take 1, not the bottle, just one" I looked right at him and bluntly said "im not going to try to kill myself" he said "i believe you" but i really think it ran through his mind for a minute. He asked if I felt ok emotionally, or if i felt like I needed any medicines for that. I told him I was feeling ok with that at the moment, but that I was looking into going to a support group. He feels a support group would be a great idea, and asked if i knew where the one for babies was. I have already looked it up. If i want meds just call him and he will call me in something. He looked at the knot in my arm and said it was my vain healing, as long as it doesn't grow larger its ok. I need to keep taking my iron until the packs are gone so another month. Keep taking my Aspirin, its not going to hurt anything. I can stop my antibiotics, but I only have one pill left so I will take that. I can start to return to my normal activity levels, and a walk around the block would probably help me clear out some of my feelings. Walking/running can help process grief, so he thinks its a great thing. I just have to take it easy and not over do it. Give myself time to heal more physically, and I will heal faster.

We talked about birth control and what if anything I wanted to do after my depo wears off in 11 weeks. He made sure not to make one thing sound better than the other. The most effective forms are the Copper IUD, Depo shots, and a Tubal. I asked him again "in your medical opinion, would I ever be able to carry a child full term?" his answer "No" ok then "in your opinion, how close would i get?" "Not out of the 2nd trimester" Meaning 28 weeks "Yes" of course that is his opinion and other doctors may have a different opinion. Something new could come out and "fix" my cervix, but the reality is that I trust my OBGYN, he gave me his Medical opinion that I asked for. He gave me options on birth control, left it completely up to me and told me he would support me through another pregnancy if thats what i wanted or he would tie my tubes, give me an IUD, or Shots. Whatever I wanted to do he would support me in my choice. I'm getting my tubes tied. I just cant loose another child. I Have 8 children 4 girls and 4 boys. I can't burry another child, I just can't. I dont know if im doing the right thing or not and I know a tubal will not stop God. If we are meant to raise another child we will. If I'm suppose to give birth again I will. If I'm suppose to give a child a home who doesn't have one I will, and having this surgery will not change that.

I had testing done on Joshua and myself when Joshua was born. his test took 3 days to come back. all test were perfectly normal. The same testing we had on the girls have taken over a week. My doctor said that abnormal test sometimes take longer, because they run additional test if anything comes up. it doesn't mean the test are abnormal, it means that my doctor expects them to be abnormal. Faith and Hope looked completely normal to me, I didn't see any defect in them, but i know some dont show. I do want to know though. It will be useful when my children have childen.

So that's it, I will go back in about a month, for an official pre-op. Because honestly my dr wants to be sure I'm sure. I had to make him talk to me about it today, he at first said "lets talk about that in a month" but i wanted to talk today, so we did. And im glad we did. gives me more time to go through all the information myself, before we do anything.

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