Today is Thursday and we all know how I feel about Thursdays. But today was a bit different. My children have been sick this week and home from school. Today Jason and I both felt drained from being up all night all week giving breathing treatments and fever meds. So we slept most of the day. It's wasn't until I was sitting after dinner and writing out school notes that I realized it was a Thursday, I'm not sure if it was I good thing I'm sure in some ways it was.
First not thinking about what day it was I got out of the house for the first time this week and it was a beautiful day. I went to my oldest child's softball practice, sat in the sun and watched her run. I was not surrounded by people but was not alone. The sun brightened my mood and have me a lift today. I'm sure if I had realized it was Thursday I would have just stayed home.
But I feel bad that I didn't remember. Maybe since its been 6 weeks I am now only going to remember the 13th of every month as bad and hard. Then maybe it will after a year be only the 13th of December. Maybe that's what people mean by it gets better with time. Because I honestly believe that the whole time heals all wounds is a compleat lie! I think maybe its just that we realize we can't hide away forever and that even though we don't want to we must get out of bed and we must try to live a life close to what we had before. Though it will never be the same. We know we have to try. So we put on a happy smile and go face the world with our hearts still crushed, but do we feel better...no not really.
We try to stay busy. Too busy to think about what day it is. To busy to remember every second of everyday that our baby is gone. To busy to miss him. Too busy to cry.