( I had wrote this post already once today I guessing cyber world ate it because there is now just a blank page. So take #2. )
I went the dr today. I apparently missed and appointment on December the 26th. It's no where on my paper work it actually says January 27th. So they called to set something up and when I asked about some antidepressant and lost it on the phone with the nurse she decided it was better that I come in today. I really wanted to just sleep but knew I needed to go.
I was a complete mess at the office. Luckily they didn't put me in the waiting room for long as soon as I peed in my cup I was in an exam room. That was a blessing. I blabbered though my vital signs with my nurse she was being sweet I was crying. Apparently she thought the scale was wrong because I weighed twice.
My dr was very understanding of all the crying and didn't make me feel rushed at all. I didn't say too much because I was busy crying. My dr had a lot to say though.
First, I was over weight and its a good thing that I've lost some weight but 18 pounds in 3 weeks is not so good. So I need to start trying to eat more. Blah. Eating makes me puke so I'm not sure how that's going to go. But we will see.
Second I'm doing great physically. I'm healed from birth. That's great.
Third I'm depressed. So he asked if I wanted some antidepressant. Um... Yes please. I know they will not take away all if my pain and the ache in my arms will forever be there to just hold Joshua one more time but it will help me cope and be able to go places more and be around people and function. And sleep.
Fourth was birth control. I said yes to that and got some pills. He will not talk to me about permanent BC until my next check up in June. I was not ready to talk about it yet any way so that was a good thing. So pills for now it is.
Fifth and lastly we went over the test. All my blood work and swabs from 16 weeks when I had some bleeding and the night my water broke were all clear. No infection no underlying people's with me. All the test on the cord/blood/placenta also came back clear there was no genetic disorder no infection to Joshua either. So my water broke on a fluke. Because it was a fluke the chances if it happening again are less than 1%. Still so scary. He said that he's only had a handful of cases with water braking at 19 weeks on a fluke and the last one before mine was 4 years ago. He told me how sorry he was that there was not more we could have done and made sure I knew it was in no way my fought.
And that was it. It's over my prenatal care for Joshua is done. I go back in June for my yearly and to get more antidepressant and BC. But that's it no more dr visits. And even that makes me sad.