I've learned so much about the art of caring and showing it over the past almost 7 weeks. I know I'm a better more caring, understanding, positive person since the unthinkable happened. And I know how to better respond when anything tragic happens. Not just death, but any tragic event. I've been shown more empathy and caring than ever before. Maybe not by everyone who I would have thought would have shown it, but thinking back and even now I have been very well taken care if.
Jason has grieved in his own way and that way is very different from my way, but even as hurt as he's been he's always been right there with me. I've never had to cry alone if I didn't want to. He's pushed at just the right times and he's pulled back at all the right times. He's the only one who truly knows what kind of loss Joshua's death was to me. Because it was his loss too. Joshua was his baby just as much as he was my baby. Jason loved Joshua as much as I did, he hurts as much as I do.
My mom and dad Joshua's grand parents have been here when ever I needed them. They were there in the hospital to comfort me, took care of my older kids. Helped plan the services and helped me through that day. I'm not sure I would have made it back to my car without them. I wish I would have let my mom stay in the delivery room, my mind was not right. If I would have thought it I would have invited her to stay.
My sisters have been there to listen to me whenever I needed. Helped my parents make service arrangements, cook us dinner, and watch my children.
My whole in law family took time off to come comfort us through the service. And they were here when Joshua was born. Cleaning my house watching my children.
I've had 2 awesome friends bring us dinner. And some who just didn't know what else to do so they sent us cards. Some even sent us a gift card In case we needed something.
The people praying for us, our Pastor who called every couple days to check in and make sure I was taken care of has been amazing. We have had the flu going around the past week and he's called twice to check in. That's caring.
That's how you show you care. You be there. You show up when it counts. You make the calls. You drop by. You send a card. You send a gift. You make meal. You take time out and you help the ones who are in need. To me it's common since. These are things you just do.
I am thinking I may have misjudged some people as it turns out some people that I've been quite angry with may not have known, but I'm confused at how they didn't receive the message. And I'm just not ready to address that yet. I'm not sure I will be anytime soon. I'm still hurt by the ones who I know knew. I hope that makes since in some way.